Adoption Experience

I was 9 years old when I was adopted and I can honestly say that I have had the ride of my life dealing with who I am and which “parents” have made more of an impact on my life. I know it is obvious that my adoptive parents had more of an impact on my life and who I am today, but that didn’t stop me from trying to figure this out growing up. My biological father died when I was two and I was taken away from my biological mother at the age of 6 1/2 years old. My “adoptive” mother and I didn’t get along at all, there was a lot of fighting and a lot of me going to Dad for help that most mothers do for their child. When I was in middle school my mother and I were on the cusp of beginning WWIII, figuratively speaking. I wanted her to be gone. When I tuned 15, her and I were closer than ever. We went everywhere and I wasn’t sure that she even knew that I used to hate her for taking me away from my biological mother and then trying to replace her. I realize today that my mom, the one that took me in and cared for me as her own child, was the one person in my life that I would grow to adore and aspire to be when I grew up. I have a lot of her personality in me. The one thing that I got from my biological mother was her genes, some of her personality traits (i.e. athletic, good in school, creative, hands on) but did she really have an effect on my life other than being born and taken from her? Not really. she didn’t have a say in my schooling, my sports, when I got sick she wasn’t there, and when I was in need of a mother, she wasn’t the one standing in front of me telling me everything was going to be okay. I watched “Instructions Not Included” and I realized that my biological mother is my mom, but she doesn’t have the right to dis on my adoptive parents for doing a job that she could not do. A parent isn’t someone who gives birth to you, but some one who takes time from their life and puts their goals on hold so that you could have a better, more beneficial life. A parent is someone who takes care of you for most of your life without a second thought, someone who you live with and can count on to be there. Not someone who gives birth and then decided that you are less important than drugs/alcohol. Now I know my biological mother didn’t mean to get us into this mess, but I also know that she had many opportunities to get better. I love her, I really do, she is my mother. She raised me for the first 6 years of my life and has reconnected with me via Facebook, but she wasn’t there when I needed her the most and she will forever regret that because now she is my second mother, not the first one. I went to the SS office today and they asked me for my mothers maiden name, I gave them my adoptive mothers name, and they looked at me funny and I asked “what’s wrong” and the response was, we have someone else… and I said “oh, yeah is it ______”  and that was correct. Being adopted confused me because I had 2 sets of parents, but in reality only 1 set was the set that actually earned the right of being called parents.

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